Men, Women, Mindfulness

December 29th, 2017

I read an article on sexual misconduct  recently in which actor Minnie Driver offered a scathing critique of men—one man in particular, actor Matt Damon—who attempt to categorize  the different behaviors that constitute sexual abuse. In an interview with ABC News, Damon said alleged sexual misconduct by powerful men involved “a spectrum of behavior,” discussing his perception of the impact of various kinds of sexual transgressions. In her comments after that interview, Driver countered that whether the behavior was verbal taunting or casual touching or rape, men “simply cannot understand what abuse is like on a daily level” and therefore, should not attempt to differentiate or explain sexual misconduct against women.

I reacted as I read the article. Ok, I copped an attitude. What was Driver talking about? As a man, I agree I can’t understand the experience of being the target of constant sexual abuse the way women are in a heteronormative environment. But I sure as hell can comment on it and analyze the phenomenon. Indeed, I have a responsibility to engage this way if I am serious about trying to change the toxic status quo. She was straight up wrong, I concluded. Oh, and the article noted that she used to date Damon. Ah, that’s part of what motivated this whole thing, I surmised. She didn’t like her ex commenting on this. I wondered if this was a veiled attack on him. Bad relationships can lead people to be bitter toward one another.

There was quite a show going on in my head.

Then a funny thing happened. While I was being outraged and sanctimonious and sexist, I was simultaneously watching myself be outraged and sanctimonious and sexist. I was aware that I was having this string of reactions. I was being mindful. In a nutshell, mindfulness is the practice of bringing awareness to 1) what you’re directly experiencing via your senses, or 2) your state of mind via your thoughts and emotions. It can sound esoteric, but it is actually important in very practical ways. A growing body of research points to a variety of physical, emotional, and psychological benefits to cultivating a practice of mindfulness. In her article “Can we Talk?,” my Darden colleague, Lili Powell writes about how to use mindfulness practices to enhance one’s ability to have crucial conversations.

Far too little attention has been paid to how mindfulness can be an asset in working amidst difference. What I discovered with my Minnie Driver extravaganza was that because I was aware of my reactions, I was able to 1) reflect on and analyze those reactions, 2) learn from them, and 3) change my behavior (instead of stewing in front of a computer screen, I shared my thoughts with friends and eventually I crafted this post)!

In an interview with philanthropist and wellness advocate Sonia Jones, I talked about how mindfulness can be instrumental in creating generative outcomes to intractable diversity conflicts. But, getting through conflict is just the tip of the iceberg when we reflect on the potential for living and working with those who are different from us.  Mindfulness can be a powerful tool for leveraging difference, helping us connect with one another to get real work done well.

I really want to explore this more.

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